Welcome Home!!!!

So I am laying at home in my own bed, and it feels so good! I've sent Matt off to the grocery store as we were out of everything. I am curious to see what all he buys. I made a list of stuff I knew I wanted, but since he'll be on cooking duty, I am allowing him to pick out some easy things to fix. We shall see. However-I think anything he picks out has to be better than the hospital food!!

Today was a very long day as I anxiously awaited my tests. I was nervous if things had progressed and gotten worse, yet I was hopeful things had stayed the same and I would be sent home. Finally 1:30 rolled around and I was wheeled across the way to my doctor's office.

Dr. Thompson was busy delivering a baby so another doctor and the nurse practitioner were on hand to go through the tests.

My cervix measured in at .86 cm today, which is basically the same as it was last week!!!! This is still not a good place to be, as that leaves little to nothing holding the baby in. My cervix is extremely soft, but is still closed. This means the medication, bed rest and the experimental treatment are doing their jobs and helping me maintain. We tried to take a peak at Baby Red, but he had his back to us and wanted nothing to do with getting his picture taken! He even kicked at the ultrasound paddle on my tummy!

Dr. Thompson dropped by my room a bit later to discuss the results of my tests. He is very optimistic. To him, my cervix staying the same is actually improvement, as my cervix was able to stay the same in spite of another week of growth and change. He believes this is a result of all of the interventions they have put in place. The other main reason he felt comfortable sending me home was because my fetal fibronectin test came back negative. So he said as long as I can maintain the same level of activity at home as in the hospital, home it is!

I am laying flat all the time, no sitting up, and am allowed up only to potty and take a very brief shower each day.

I will be allowed to stay home unless my cervix worsens or preterm labor begins. I will continue to see Dr. Thompson every Monday where he will run tests to check my cervix.

It is hard not to be anxious and not to worry about how this will all turn out--if Baby Red will be okay, how much NICU time we'll have to deal with, if I will be put in the hospital again, and the list goes on. So we continue to trust in God's perfect plan and turn this pregnancy over to God, knowing he is the giver of life and Baby Red is safest in his arms. We know the Lord gives and we know he takes away. Yet regardless of the outcome, with God as our rock, we will continue to worship him and serve him with our lives.

Please continue to pray for my cervix to hold tight for another three weeks. We'd love to get to beyond the 32 week mark, but we'll be thrilled to get that far. Pray also for Baby Red, that he will continue to mature and grown strong and healthy. And--please pray for Matt. He has a lot on his plate. Not only is he still working full time, he is now in charge of all of the cooking, cleaning, laundry, grocery shopping, and taking care of me.

Its Friday!!!

Everything has settled down other than a bit of irritability so things are nice and calm. I will still be in the hospital until Monday so they can continue to monitor me to make sure the precautions they have taken are working before they send me home. On Monday they will remeasure my cervix and if hasn't gotten any worse or it has miraculously improved, I will be going home!! I will still be on strict bed rest, but at least I'll be in my own bed and will have better food than hospital food!

Baby Red has been doing great through all of this. He is still very active and moving and kicking all over the place! They have been keeping a close eye on him as well.

Matt is ready for this week to be over with. He has had VBS this week so its been quite a stressful week for him trying to balance that with me in the hospital. Thankfully all of the volunteers have stepped up and been a huge help! They had a great turn out at VBS, somewhere over 150 kiddos each night, so they've been busy! Tonight is the last night!

Unless something changes, I probably won't update again until Monday evening when I will hopefully be updating from home!!

Thanks to you all for your prayers and support through this little scare. Tomorrow we will be celebrating reaching 29 weeks!! Hopefully at least 3 more to go!

The Latest News

Today has been a really long day with lots of anxious waiting!! But we're finally coming to a close so here is the latest news....

We finished the round of steroid shots for Baby Red to help mature his lungs and prevent a few other problems related to preterm birth.

The doctor used an experimental treatment that will hopefully help my cervix to hold out longer.

Dr. Thompson also ran a fetal fibronectin test which can predict whether or not I will go into labor in the next week to two weeks. The test came back NEGATIVE which means I will not be going into labor within the next week or two. However if my cervix gets any worse it could cause labor to begin.

After the long day and all I've "been through" I think Dr. Thompson felt sorry for me so I am allowed to get up and take a very quick shower in the morning--although no singing in the shower is allowed--but I am so excited for it!!

On a sidenote, they will be measuring my cervix again on Monday, and if it doesn't get any worse, there is a good chance I will be able to go back home and continue my strict bed rest there. We are still in a risky place, yet a very positive place. As Doctor Thompson put it, I could give you a "good" baby now, but I would rather give you an even "better" baby in a few weeks! He is very hopeful I will make it to 32 weeks which is 3 more weeks!

From the beginning of this pregnancy my four year old niece has been praying on her own initiative for God to let us keep this baby here on the land so we can love him and take care of him. It has been the prayer of our hearts as well. One of the biggest lessons I tried to teach my students in Bible class in Vienna is that prayer is powerful, God always listens, and he always answers--sometimes his answer may be yes, other times it may be no, and other times it may be silence and asking you to wait.

Thank you for all of your prayers and support. God has heard and he is graciously answering. So we will pray continually- knowing that the prayers of a righteous man are powerful and effective--and that God always answers.

Here we go again...

WARNING: THIS POST WILL CONTAIN DETAILS ABOUT WOMANLY STUFF SO IF YOU ARE A SQUEAMISH MALE, YOU MAY NOT WANT TO READ ON!!!!

Altough this is very personal, I know I have a lot of dear friends wondering exactly what is going on and praying, so I am taking a risk and spilling it all while my mom and aunt are grabbing some dinner!

I had a feeling I would find myself in the hospital today. Enough so that I packed up my lap top and phone charger to bring with me, but hopeful enough that I didn't pack a bag!

I have an incompetent cervix which means my cervix is unable to support the pressure and weight of our growing baby. Instead of staying strong as it should, it in essence buckles under the pressure and shortens and weakens.

I have had good reports and not so good ones in regards to my cervix since 21 weeks. Last week my cervix had shortened to a 2.5 and had begun to funnel, or open up. As this had happened before at week 24 we were hopeful it would just be another "bad week."

However, at my appointment today, I measured in at .88 and all that is basically holding the baby in is a pocket of fluid that somehow got through my cervix to the outer side. So I find myself in the hospital again, only this time, its a much better situation!!

Baby Red is currently at 28 weeks and 3 days. After measuring him this morning his estimated weight is 3.2 pounds which is about a pound more than the average at this point in a pregnancy. Another blessing, a bigger baby means better chances outside of the womb. At 28 weeks the survival rate is around 75% which is good, but also still risky. I am not having any contractions, which is also great! They have also begun steroid treatments (a shot with a big needle!) that will help mature Baby Red's lungs as well as help in a few other problem areas to prepare him for an early birth.

Baby Red could be born any time, but we're hoping to hold out for at least another few weeks. Ideally, we'd love to make it to 34 weeks which is the middle of July. Right now I am stable but there are still many unknowns. Tomorrow will be a big day for us as they are running some tests as well as experimenting--hopefully this experiment will take some of the pressure off of my cervix and allow it to hold out longer. As they will be doing a lot of internal things tomorrow, it is a worry that it will start preterm labor or irritate my cervix. For this reason, we are asking for no visitors until things are a little more settled down. We'll definitely let you know!

We're in the midst of a waiting game with a lot of unknowns, yet we do know God is in control and we trust in his perfect plan. With his strength we will survive this crazy time, and Baby Red will have a glorious testimony from birth illustrating God's love and power. Thanks for praying with us. I will update here as we figure more things out.

Intoducing Baby Red to Blog World

These are pictures of Baby Red at 27 weeks and 4 days. The first one is a profile picture of his cute button nose, and the next two are 4-d pictures. We think he's pretty cute!

Much to our dismay, my suspicions were confirmed December 24, 2008. We couldn't believe it. It truly is a miracle that we were able to conceive naturally and what a tremendous blessing! It didn't really set in for a while that we were actually pregnant again! But it sure was fun to wrap up as a gift and give to my mom to open on Christmas morning!

We decided to find out what we were having, and at 13 weeks we found out our baby is a boy! then we decided we needed a nickname to call him until he is born since we are keeping his name a secret. So we decided to call him Baby Red after a good friend of ours from Vienna. She was bummed its a boy so we couldn't name him with her first name so we decided on Red-- which is the first part of her last name.

I am again considered high risk this time due to what happened last time with the triplets. For the first 2o weeks I went to the doctor every two weeks, and everything went smoothly. Then I switched doctors (stressful but a blessing). From 21 weeks on I have went to the doctor every week due to complications with the pregnancy. From 22 weeks on I have been on strict bed rest with the exception of last week when I was allowed to sit for four hours a day.

It has been a very emotional roller coaster ride. It still is. It will continue to be until our sweet baby boy is healthy and home and safe in our arms.

It has also been a time of growth, learning, and trusting.

Saturday will be 28 weeks, our big goal. At this point Baby Red has a 75% chance of survival outside of the womb. We will be celebrating big time for getting this far!!

We covet your prayers as I continue to battle it out on strict bed rest, and for my body to hold out long enough for Baby Red to be safely welcomed into this world.

Ovations

This past weekend was a busy one for us! We are trying to get our basement finished so we can create our nursery. Our extra bedroom upstairs has a spare bed in it and other odd and end stuff, and we don't really have a place to put it until the basement is finished. Once our basement is finished we'll have a storage room, extra bedroom, another full bath, an office/library area, and another big open family room. It will be really nice and will add another 900 square foot of space!!

Sunday night Matt and Joe (the youth minister) were hosting "Ovations," a volunteer appreciation dinner/banquet at the church Sunday night. Matt alone has well over a 100 volunteers underneath of him, so they'd asked my mom to cater it. She and my sister came down Saturday to start cooking for it. My mom loves catering/cooking for people, as do I, so it was hard for me to lay on the couch and watch and not be able to help. I don't know how many times I was told to "go lay back down." But it was nice to sample all of the food!

For the main course she fixed smoked chicken, green beans, baked potatoes with a bar of toppings, three different salads, fresh fruit, and her famous light rolls. It was all yummy! She really had fun on the desserts, as her real passion is baking. We made a triple layered chocolate mousse cake, a four layered coconut cream dessert and a four layered chocolate cream dessert (both with homemade puddings!), our families cheesecake recipe that is like no other, and cherry squares (like pie) made with fresh cherries!

Mom made the desserts after we got home from early service on Sunday so my lunch turned into sampling them all!

Everyone loved the dinner, they don't get food where everything is made from scratch very often. Plus, I think the volunteers really felt appreciated for what they do each Sunday. Matt and Joe also shared their vision for the future of their ministries and I think it was really inspiring and encouraging to everyone.

Its always nice to be appreciated and to receive an ovation!

Memorial Day Weekend Perks

--Got out of the house for three whole days!!

--Got to do a little bit of shopping!

--Lots of good food, of course! But my mama fixed my all time favorite meal--fried deer loin, mashed potatoes and gravy, and green beans...its amazing!!

--Got to see lots of family while celebrating my sister's graduation from high school

--Got to play with and love on my niece and nephew!

--Best of all, I was never alone!!

Boldness

The past few weeks I have been studying the book of Habakkuk. Its a pretty short book, only three chapters, but it is packed full of amazing stuff. There are a few reasons why this book has intrigued me for the past few weeks.

First, Habakkuk was a man of God, a faithful servant and prophet. Unlike the other prophets of the day, Habakkuk didn't just deliver God's message to his people, but he took the people's complaints to God. Habakkuk is perplexed and confused at what is happening in the world around him. He doesn't understand why God is doing what he is doing. He especially doesn't understand how God could punish his own people-the chosen nation, even though they had sinned, by a nation even more wicked than they? I admire Habakkuk, who was an honest seeker of truth, because he didn't try to figure it out on his own, he went directly to God with his question or complaint, seeking to know the truth. Yet even though Habakkuk doesn't understand God's plan, his faith and trust in him is unwavering.

Secondly, I love the boldness of Habakkuk. He is honest with God and not afraid to doubt his plan, to ask tough questions, and admit his inability to comprehend. I feel like oftentimes Christians are timid. We are scared to ask the hard questions, to doubt God's plan for our life. To proud to admit we don't understand. We are too afraid to pray bold prayers, I mean, its not going to happen anyways, so why pray about it. But Habakkuk, in all things was honest, he sought the truth, and he was not afraid to question God.

Here are few of my favorite parts of Habakkuk although I encourage you to spend some time studying Habakkuk yourself.

Habakkuk's first complaint:

How long, O Lord, must I call for help, but you do not listen? Or cry out to you, "Violence!" but you do not save? Why do you make me look at injustice? Why do you tolerate wrong? Destruction and violence are before me; there is strife, and conflict abounds. Therefore the law is paralyzed, and justice never prevails. The wicked hem in the righteous, so that justice is perverted.

The first part of God's answer:
Look at the nations and watch--and be utterly amazed. For I am going to do something in your days that you would not believe, even if you were told.

Part of God's answer to Habakkuk's second complaint, which is similar to his first:

...but the righteous will live by his faith...

I think chapter three in its entirety is my favorite part. After wrestling with God, trying to understand what is going on in the world around him, trying to understand God's hand in it all, this is Habakkuk's prayer.

Lord, I have heard of your fame; I stand in awe of your deeds, O Lord. Renew them in our day, in our time make them known; in wrath remember mercy.

Then Habakkuk continues to give an amazing description of God's power.

His glory covered the heavens and his praise filled the earth. His splendor was like the sunrise; rays flashed from his hand. where his power was hidden. Plague went before him; pestilence followed his steps. He stood, and shook the earth; he looked, and made the nations tremble. The ancient mountains crumbled and the age-old hills collapsed. His ways are eternal.

Habakkuk's description of God continues, and he concludes with the following.

...yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Savior. The Sovereign Lord is my strength; he makes my feet like the feet of a deer, he enables me to go on the heights.

Whether or not Habakkuk understood what God was doing, he realized it was his job to trust in him, and to live by faith.

Studying Habakkuk has been so encouraging to me, as I also do not understand what God is doing in my life, and the world around me. I question his plans for me. I am asking why? I am encouraged to ask God the hard questions, to seek out his truth, yet to continue to live by faith and trust in his plan. In the meantime, I am encouraged to pray boldly, for God to do great things in my life and the world around me.

Blessings

I have been really homesick lately, for Vienna, for our ministry there, the families we served and the family of friends made up of the staff. It has been a really hard transition for me to move back to the States, especially after losing the babies. I have done a lot of questioning why God brought us back, and what my purpose is here. As I have spent so much time alone the past three weeks on bed rest, it has been hard not to slide into a slump of depressing thoughts. Although I am yet to learn why God has us here, I am thankful for the blessings of being close to home once again.

One of my greatest joys of being close to family is my niece and nephew.

As you can see, they are cute as buttons! Grace is 4 and too smart for her own good. Recently we were taking them home to their house from my parents house and we were trying to pick a place to stop and grab some food. With some convincing, we stopped at Sonic. Here's how the conversation went after ordering our food.....

Grace: "Matt, can we sit outside and eat?"

Matt: "Not today sweetie, its getting late and we still have a long ways to go."

Grace: "Please? Pretty please"

Matt: "Sorry Grace, not today, maybe next time."

Grace: "Pretty please with a cherry on top?"

Matt: "No Grace, we don't have time."

Grace: "But Matt, if we eat in the car I will make a big mess."

Matt: "It's okay Grace, I can clean it up."

Grace: "But I make a really big mess."

Matt: "Its okay, I can clean it up."

Grace: "But I make such a huge mess, it will take you a really really long time to clean it up."

Matt: "Its okay Grace, I can clean it up. We're eating in the car."

Thankfully our food came at this point in time because I was dying with laughter and Matt was barely able to contain his and keep a straight face in saying no! Samuel, 2, is an ornery little guy. He will walk into the room with this grin on his face, and you know trouble is coming! He is so much fun and always on the go. He's never too far behind big sis, always having to keep up! Of course it is good to see my brother and sister-in-law, but you know how it is once you have kids...they're all that matters!

Another blessing....my two younger sisters.

I moved out of the house while they were just starting middle school, so we've never really been close as in friendship close. But now that we're starting to enter the same area of life, I have thoroughly enjoyed getting to know both sisters and spending more time with them. Catherine is finishing up her freshman year at Lincoln Christian College where she is studying to be an elementary teacher. She has the biggest heart of anyone I know, is quiet, and always puts others first. Rebecca is finishing up her senior year of high school. Her graduation is next weekend. She is well, a lot like me, only worse!! HA! Seriously though, we are a lot alike, although I think shes a bit more opinionated, and way more prissy! She's got a full ride scholarship to Southeast Missouri State University where she will study to become an upper level math teacher.

Last but not least, is my mom. Like me, she hates pictures so I'd have to really hunt to find one, so we'll have to do without! My mom has always been my best friend. Although my husband calls her crazy, she has always been there on for me. She has a servants heart and will do anything for anyone. She is one of the best cooks I have ever met, and has a super fun personality! I don't know what I'd do without her daily phone calls while on bed rest. Although we chat about nothing most times, its good to just chat with another human being!

I am also thankful for my daddy who is at this moment in our basement hanging drywall. We can't fix our nursery until the basement is finished and we can move things around. He stayed up way to late working on it last night, and is working still. Love you dad!

So these are a few of my blessings. I will definitely share more as I fight my loneliness and need to be reminded of all the blessings God has given me.

Why?

--Officially, there are 730,000 orphans living in Russia alone. There are more orphans in Russia now than after World War II.

--Out of the 730,000 only 200,000 live in orphanages and internats. The rest live on the streets or in the underground sewers.

--Statistics show that only one out of ten Russian orphans becomes a functional member of society.

--The others are lost to drugs, prostitution, crime and suicide. Millions of Russian children are on the run living on the streets or in underground sewers desparately needing basic food, medicine and clothes.

--In Ukraine and Russia 10-15% of children who age out of an orphanage commit suicide before age 18.

--Worldwide, there are offically 144 million orphans. If .06% of the Christian population would adopt one child into their family, the orphanages would be empty.

"Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world."

James 1:27

Not every Christian is called to adopt, but each of us are called to look after the orphans. The Greek verb used for the phrase "look after" is the word episkeptomai. This compound verb with the prepositional prefix epi- places an emphasis on the act of looking. In the context of James' instruction, the verb would carry the connotation of giving active care or help.

According to James, we need to have these two things in our portfolio of faith in order for God to consider our faith pure, faultless and undefiled. First we must actively look out for the orphans and widows. Secondly, we must keep ourselves from being polluted by the world. I find it very interesting that James connects these two ideas together. I believe it is because we have been polluted by the world that we are no longer actively looking after the orphans and widows, which is why there are over 144 million orphans today.

Many people have assumed we were adopting only because of losing the triplets. Therefore many people assumed we would not adopt when they heard we were expecting again. But we are still adopting. Our decision to adopt was never based on if we could or could not have children of our own. For us, it wasn't a last resort option to have a child.

Yes, we realize the adoption process is expensive. We have no money or savings for it, but we completely trust God will provide. Yes, we realize the child we adopt could have physical or behavior problems. We believe God didn't call us to love only perfect children, but to love all children. We believe God will be our rock, that he will guide us, and continue to fill us with His perfect love so it may overflow into the life of our child. Yes, this process is overwhelming, we are scared, we know we will be hurt, and we sometimes selfishly don't want to adopt. We realize the journey we are embarking on will be one with many valleys and few mountain peaks, but God has called us and we cannot turn our backs on his call.

Next week we will offically embark on our adoption journey. We are adopting from Russia, which is why I focused my statistcs there. We are planning to adopt a little boy, as young as possible (12 months) and no older than four. We will begin raising money in earnest, I will be filling out grant and scholarship applications.

Please join us in praying for the following:

--Pray for God to reveal to you how you might actively look after the orphans and widows.

--Pray for God to work in the hearts of his people, that they will be moved to care for His children, the orphans and the widows.

--Our biggest and most obvious need is finances. Please pray for God to provide the finances we need. $7,000 in the first month for agency fees, homestudy fees, legal paperwork fees. We need to raise $30,000 total.

--Pray for Matt and I. That we continue to trust God and lean on him to be our strength.

--Pray for our precious baby that is out there somewhere, that God will provide for his needs and keep him safe until we can bring him home.