We knew we would need a major distraction on the babies due date, so we're heading to the biggest city in the U.S. hoping it will be a big enough distraction. Obviously this will still be a very difficult week for us, but we're hoping the distraction will help some.
So the question is, where should we stay? Any recommendations?!?
Thursday, October 30, 2008
Friday, October 24, 2008
Another new favorite song...
I have finally gotten around to adding music on our blog! I have wanted to do it for quite some time now, but never have had the time, well, taken the time to do it! The following is another one of my new favorite songs. I added it to my playlist, but wanted to share the lyrics with you as well. The lyrics are so true of my life, which make them powerful words to/from my heart. Anyways, I hope this song will encourage you as it has encouraged me these last few months.
Whatever You're Doing (Something Heavenly) by Sanctus Real
It's time for healing time to move on
It's time to fix what's been broken too long
Time make right what has been wrong
It's time to find my way to where I belong
There's a wave that's crashing over me
All I can do is surrender
[Chorus]
Whatever you're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos somehow there's peace
It's hard to surrender to what I can't see
but I'm giving in to something heavenly
Time for a milestone
Time to begin again
Revaluate who I really am
Am I doing everything to follow your will or just climbing aimlessly over these hills
So show me what it is you want from me
I give everything I surrender...To...
[Chorus]
Time to face up
Clean this old house
Time to breathe in and let everything out
That I've wanted to say for so many years
Time to to release all my held back tears
Whatever you're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but I believe
You're up to something bigger than me
Larger than life something heavenly
Whatever you're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but now I can see
This something bigger than me
Larger than life something heavenly
Something heavenly
It's time to face up
Clean this old house
Time breathe in and let everything out
Sunday, October 19, 2008
A Fun Filled Weekend
This past weekend we got to watch our niece and nephew, from Thursday until Sunday afternoon! We kept busy and had a lot of fun! They are such cuties, Grace is so much like me it makes me laugh, and Samuel, well, he's just trouble!
Their favorite thing to do at our house was play on the air mattress we blew up for them to sleep on. It provided good entertainment for them and some laughs for us! I am sad we didn't get any pictures of it!
Friday we went to the St. Louis Zoo....
Saturday we went to the pumpkin patch...
This picture is perfect, because its so true! Grace is too good at being the big sister!
Sunday we went to church and then had to take them home. I'd say we had a great weekend! Now the weekend is over and its back to work, which I am not looking foward to!Wednesday, October 15, 2008
Not Much is New...
I don't really have much to write about, but its been a while, so I figured a post was in order. Friday night we drove to Columbia to hang out with Becca and friends. We went out to eat at a yummy restaurant and then hung out as the house and played Settlers of Catan. It seems the people who know how and want to play this game in Columbia are limited, so whenever we're in town, we get together to play. For those of you who don't know me well, I am very competitive and I am a horrible loser. Yet I continue to play this game and lose every time, and I don't get upset about it. Needless to say, Matt loves this game because he normally gets the brunt of my bad attitude after losing. Obviously I like it as well, because I keep coming back for more!
After our 3 hour game of Settler's we drove on to my brother and sister's house to spend the night. Saturday morning/early afternoon we celebrated my niece's 4th birthday. Her birthday list make me laugh, as she wanted things to go hunting with her daddy (camo hat, gun, gun bag, camo clothes...) yet she is such a priss! She also requested to get lots of presents, so I ended up buying her 5 smaller things and wrapping them all individually in cute princess paper.
The birthday party was fun of course, and it was great to see family and friends, but it was also really hard on Matt and I. Its just one more thing we won't get to do with our babies, so it was a bittersweet day for us.
After the birthday party we met Becca (friend-sis was already with us) at a pumpkin festival. It was beautiful weather and turned out to be a great afternoon activity! Becca joined us for dinner and hung out with us for the rest of the evening. It was great to spend two days in a row with Becca!
Sunday was church, and turned out to be a not so good day for both Matt and I. After losing the babies we received a ton of support and encouragement. But now, two months later, the month we should be welcoming our babies, we are grieving alone. It bothers me that immediately after a tragedy people are so supportive, but the support gradually ceases, and when you need it most, you're alone. In our experience of losing our babies, the first few weeks were "easy" because we were overwhelmed with love and support. As the love and support gradually faded, our grief has become harder, because we are baring it alone. So Sunday was the beginning of a valley, and today I am trying to find the strength to climb out of it.
After our 3 hour game of Settler's we drove on to my brother and sister's house to spend the night. Saturday morning/early afternoon we celebrated my niece's 4th birthday. Her birthday list make me laugh, as she wanted things to go hunting with her daddy (camo hat, gun, gun bag, camo clothes...) yet she is such a priss! She also requested to get lots of presents, so I ended up buying her 5 smaller things and wrapping them all individually in cute princess paper.
The birthday party was fun of course, and it was great to see family and friends, but it was also really hard on Matt and I. Its just one more thing we won't get to do with our babies, so it was a bittersweet day for us.
After the birthday party we met Becca (friend-sis was already with us) at a pumpkin festival. It was beautiful weather and turned out to be a great afternoon activity! Becca joined us for dinner and hung out with us for the rest of the evening. It was great to spend two days in a row with Becca!
Sunday was church, and turned out to be a not so good day for both Matt and I. After losing the babies we received a ton of support and encouragement. But now, two months later, the month we should be welcoming our babies, we are grieving alone. It bothers me that immediately after a tragedy people are so supportive, but the support gradually ceases, and when you need it most, you're alone. In our experience of losing our babies, the first few weeks were "easy" because we were overwhelmed with love and support. As the love and support gradually faded, our grief has become harder, because we are baring it alone. So Sunday was the beginning of a valley, and today I am trying to find the strength to climb out of it.
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
While I'm Waiting
I love this song written by John Waller because I can totally relate to it, plus its a beautiful song. He truly wrote the words of my heart.
John Waller"The explanation for this song is simple, I was waiting on God and I was hurting when I wrote the lyrics. I probably wouldn’t have written a song if my friend, Mike, hadn’t encouraged me to document what I was going through during that time. I’m sure there are few people who can’t relate to this song, but the important thing to remember while we’re waiting on God is to not just wait but to actively wait. Serve, worship and be faithful with what you have, where you are… “even while (you) wait.”
While I’m Waiting
Psalm 5:3, 27:14, 33:20, 37:7, 38:15, 40:1, Isaiah 30:18, Lamentations 3:24
Psalm 5:3, 27:14, 33:20, 37:7, 38:15, 40:1, Isaiah 30:18, Lamentations 3:24
John Waller"The explanation for this song is simple, I was waiting on God and I was hurting when I wrote the lyrics. I probably wouldn’t have written a song if my friend, Mike, hadn’t encouraged me to document what I was going through during that time. I’m sure there are few people who can’t relate to this song, but the important thing to remember while we’re waiting on God is to not just wait but to actively wait. Serve, worship and be faithful with what you have, where you are… “even while (you) wait.”
I’m waiting
I’m waiting on You, Lord, And I am hopeful
I’m waiting on You, Lord, And I am hopeful
I’m waiting on You, Lord, Though it is painful
But patiently, I will wait
I will move ahead, bold and confident
Taking every step in obedience
While I’m waiting, I will serve You
While I’m waiting, I will worship
While I’m waiting, I will not faint
I’ll be running the race, Even while I wait
I’m waiting
I’m waiting on You, Lord, And I am peaceful
I’m waiting on You, Lord, Though it’s not easy
But faithfully, I will wait, Yes, I will wait
I will serve You while I’m waiting
I will worship while I’m waiting on You, Lord
© 2007 Travelin’ Zoo Music (ASCAP) (admin. by EMI CMG Publishing)
Busy Weekend!
Friday morning we got up at 4:30 am to get ready and leave for Southeast Missouri. We took my youngest sister on a college visit to SEMO. There were a lot of hills on the campus, but it was fun to help my sister prepare for her future!
After the college visit we headed on to my Gram's house. One of my cousins got married on Saturday so there was a lot of family there! Although it was hard to see everyone and answer their questions, it was good to see everyone.
Friday night after the rehearsal dinner Matt got sick. He managed to make it to the wedding, but didn't go to the reception. I felt so bad for him.
I have never seen decorations/flowers like they had, and they fit the couple so perfectly. They both have an agriculture degree, and love farming. Their wedding invitations were printed on backgrounds of cotton, soy bean, and corn fields. Her wedding boquet had puffs of cotton among the flowers and was stunning. Their decorations at the reception followed a fall theme. The tables were decorated with canning jars full of soy beans or corn with little candles. Their favors were little cow bells, and when the guests rang them, they kissed. They had straw bails, bundles of dried corn, and lots of mums. I absolutely loved all of their fall decor! It was so creative! All this to say, I think my cousin is one lucky man- his wife is a beautiful woman, on the inside and out, loves to farm, and for some reason, loves him!
I ended up driving home Saturday night, as Matt was still feeling dizzy and light headed. As much as I have been missing Vienna and VCS, it was so good to be home this weekend, amongst family and friends.
After the college visit we headed on to my Gram's house. One of my cousins got married on Saturday so there was a lot of family there! Although it was hard to see everyone and answer their questions, it was good to see everyone.
Friday night after the rehearsal dinner Matt got sick. He managed to make it to the wedding, but didn't go to the reception. I felt so bad for him.
I have never seen decorations/flowers like they had, and they fit the couple so perfectly. They both have an agriculture degree, and love farming. Their wedding invitations were printed on backgrounds of cotton, soy bean, and corn fields. Her wedding boquet had puffs of cotton among the flowers and was stunning. Their decorations at the reception followed a fall theme. The tables were decorated with canning jars full of soy beans or corn with little candles. Their favors were little cow bells, and when the guests rang them, they kissed. They had straw bails, bundles of dried corn, and lots of mums. I absolutely loved all of their fall decor! It was so creative! All this to say, I think my cousin is one lucky man- his wife is a beautiful woman, on the inside and out, loves to farm, and for some reason, loves him!
I ended up driving home Saturday night, as Matt was still feeling dizzy and light headed. As much as I have been missing Vienna and VCS, it was so good to be home this weekend, amongst family and friends.
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
Monday, September 22, 2008
Church Fall Picnic
From 4-8 yesterday was the church's fall picnic. It was complete with blow up games, tons of great food--including delicious desserts--and a great band. We had a good time and it gave us a chance to meet more people and get to know those we have already met even better. We are so blessed to be a part of a great church community! I was going to post some pictures of some of the adorable kiddos, and actually tried to several times, but blogger wouldn't let me upload them. Its definitely disappointing as that was pretty well the point of this post! Oh well, some other time then!
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
Moving and Update on Life
Over the weekend we moved into our first home! After three months "moving", of living with family and out of suitcases, it feels so good to finally be home! We are so thankful God has blessed us with a great place to live. Since moving in we've been busy unpacking, which has been a long process. Since all of our stuff has been in storage for two yeards or shipped across an ocean and then in storage for three months, everything has to be washed. Needless to say, its a long process.
Matt is loving his job at the church, and is busy meeting people, evaluating, and making plans for the future. There is so much room for growth in the children's ministry since WCC is full of young families. We are both super excited to see how God will use us as WCC.
I am still looking for a job, slowly but surely. It is so hard for me to look for a job because it is a constant reminder of the job I wanted so badly, and almost had (being a mom). I have a phone interview for the only job that I found that I really want, tomorrow morning at 10 am. Please pray for me and for this interview! I will keep you posted.
Sunday night we went to a small group, which we really enjoyed and are excited to be a part of. While sharing prayer requests, another girl in the group shared that it had been a year since she lost her baby. That of course started an emotional break down for myself. Although some in the group knew of our loss, not all did, so the associate minister shared with the group about the loss of our three babies in July. Although it is so hard to talk about, it is a tremendous help to share our burden of grief, and to be lifted up in the prayers of others.
Sunday night, topped with moving into our home without three of everything for the babies, made for a really hard Monday by myself. I am sure this will be only one of thousands of emotional meltdowns. But sometimes the grief and my empty heart are so overwhelming I am unsure of how I will go on. I try to pray, desperately needing God's help and strength, but no words will come. Yet I know Romans 8:28 is true, and the Spirit within me has been speaking with God on my hearts behalf. Although I am unable to utter a single word, I am surrounded with God's peace, my heart is filled with the love of my Savior, and I am able to once again put my trust in God's plan for my life.
On a not so depressing note...as some of you may or may not know, I went to Haiti with a medical missionary for 2-3 weeks both the summers of my junior and senior year of high school. It just so happens that the guy I went with attends WCC-our new church. It is so good to see him and his wife every week! But anyways, his son is the youth minister, and is planning a mission trip for the youth group to go to Haiti with his dad next summer. Haiti has always been a dangerous country, some times more than others, but its not really a place most parents want their teenagers going. So the youth minister decided not only would I be a good resource for the parents to talk to about the safety of their teenager, but that I would also be a great person to have along as the female sponsor. It really didn't take any convincing on my part, as I am thrilled to have the opportunity to go back!
So-thats about all the news in our lives. Please be in prayer as Matt and I continue grieve, and continue to trust in God's plan for our family. We are currently seeking out His will for our next step, so please pray that we will clearly see His plan.
Matt is loving his job at the church, and is busy meeting people, evaluating, and making plans for the future. There is so much room for growth in the children's ministry since WCC is full of young families. We are both super excited to see how God will use us as WCC.
I am still looking for a job, slowly but surely. It is so hard for me to look for a job because it is a constant reminder of the job I wanted so badly, and almost had (being a mom). I have a phone interview for the only job that I found that I really want, tomorrow morning at 10 am. Please pray for me and for this interview! I will keep you posted.
Sunday night we went to a small group, which we really enjoyed and are excited to be a part of. While sharing prayer requests, another girl in the group shared that it had been a year since she lost her baby. That of course started an emotional break down for myself. Although some in the group knew of our loss, not all did, so the associate minister shared with the group about the loss of our three babies in July. Although it is so hard to talk about, it is a tremendous help to share our burden of grief, and to be lifted up in the prayers of others.
Sunday night, topped with moving into our home without three of everything for the babies, made for a really hard Monday by myself. I am sure this will be only one of thousands of emotional meltdowns. But sometimes the grief and my empty heart are so overwhelming I am unsure of how I will go on. I try to pray, desperately needing God's help and strength, but no words will come. Yet I know Romans 8:28 is true, and the Spirit within me has been speaking with God on my hearts behalf. Although I am unable to utter a single word, I am surrounded with God's peace, my heart is filled with the love of my Savior, and I am able to once again put my trust in God's plan for my life.
On a not so depressing note...as some of you may or may not know, I went to Haiti with a medical missionary for 2-3 weeks both the summers of my junior and senior year of high school. It just so happens that the guy I went with attends WCC-our new church. It is so good to see him and his wife every week! But anyways, his son is the youth minister, and is planning a mission trip for the youth group to go to Haiti with his dad next summer. Haiti has always been a dangerous country, some times more than others, but its not really a place most parents want their teenagers going. So the youth minister decided not only would I be a good resource for the parents to talk to about the safety of their teenager, but that I would also be a great person to have along as the female sponsor. It really didn't take any convincing on my part, as I am thrilled to have the opportunity to go back!
So-thats about all the news in our lives. Please be in prayer as Matt and I continue grieve, and continue to trust in God's plan for our family. We are currently seeking out His will for our next step, so please pray that we will clearly see His plan.
Friday, September 12, 2008
Baseball and Closing Day!
Last night we went to the big rivalry game, Cardinals vs. Cubs, here in St. Louis. Our family had gotten my Grandma G, whose been an avid Cardinal fan for years, tickets for her birthday. We had really good seats--only 16 rows back--a first for us, normally we're stuck in the clouds! So Matt and I along with my grandparents headed downtown for the last game between the Cards and Cubs. From the time they met, my Grandma and Matt (a loyal Cubs fan) have always given each other a hard time. I myself am a Cardinals fan, so there were three of us sporting red while Matt was one of the few in blue. The Cards ended up losing, 3-2, but it was a great game, going all the way through the bottom of the ninth. Although it was a super late night, we enjoyed hanging out with Grandpa and Grandma G and had a great time.
So this morning after dragging ourselves out of bed with little sleep, Matt and I signed our names like we were famous! We are now the proud owners of our first home!! We are so excited! After closing this morning we treated ourselves to Cracker Barrell (it was close and we were waiting on keys--not our top choice!). After that we were still waiting on keys so we did a little shopping for the house--cleaning supplies, bath towels, shower curtain rod, toaster--all the not so exciting things!
At one point Matt and I saw an older couple, one in red and the other in blue. After spotting them I told Matt we have hope for our marriage to survive even though we're rivals in most sports! Ha!
So this morning after dragging ourselves out of bed with little sleep, Matt and I signed our names like we were famous! We are now the proud owners of our first home!! We are so excited! After closing this morning we treated ourselves to Cracker Barrell (it was close and we were waiting on keys--not our top choice!). After that we were still waiting on keys so we did a little shopping for the house--cleaning supplies, bath towels, shower curtain rod, toaster--all the not so exciting things!Anyways, tomorrow we're moving all of our stuff in, so it will be another big day! Please pray for safe travels and no injuries as we move stuff in! Also-please pray for me as I seem to be getting sick with either a cold or allergies...either way its not much fun! 
I managed to get a picture of Matt as he was chowing down on his celebration meal!
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