"I'm sorry, but you have an infection in your uterus, we have to deliver the babies now...or you'll lose your uterus and we'll be fighting for your life..."
We were given 5 minutes to take it in. After almost two years of trying to get pregnant, after returning from the mission field for the babies, we were given five minutes to begin to comprehend the loss of our babies, our hopes and our dreams.
I will never forget a single moment of that day. It is ingrained into my heart, so I can remember every precious second of the short time we were able to spend with our babies.
This past year has been the hardest year of my life. A year I have not truly lived, a year I have merely survived. I have struggled and fought with God, trying to understand His plan. Like Habakkuk I have asked God the hard questions, and even though I still don't understand His plan, but I have come to accept it, to trust it.
We miss Eli, Isaac and Micah. We selfishly wish to have more time to hold them and love on them. Every time my hearts begin aching for them I have to remind myself where they are. They are in the presence of God surrounded by the perfect love of Christ. As much as it hurts to not have them here, there is no place I would rather them be, even my own arms, than in the arms of God. One day, we will have all of eternity to love on their precious souls.
Spoken like the awesome Mom you are. My heart breaks for your loss. We are here for you.. crying with you. You are not alone.
ReplyDeleteI can't even imagine how hard it has been for you this past year. You both remain in my thoughts and prayers.
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