We are definitely excited to have reached the 32 week mark. A few weeks ago we weren't sure we'd make it this far, but my body is still holding on. We're praying I can make it another two weeks although we'd love to reach 36 weeks! Each additional week makes survival outside of the womb even better for our sweet Baby Red.
We are also excited to be so close to having our basement finished. With it completed our house size will double! And of course then we can move the spare bedroom to the basement and get started on Red's nursery.
This is where my excitement ends and my gloominess begins.
10 weeks of bed rest. My voice is always hoarse now as it is not used much at all. My muscles have deteriorated. I am exhausted after walking only a few steps or after taking my brief shower. My hips are bruised from laying on them all day everyday. My body aches. But the hardest and worst part of it all-- I am alone most of the time.
I am normally a hard person to get down, but being alone seems to have done the trick. It has been frustrating to me when I have talked about my loneliness to others. They always respond with "yes, but it will all be worth it in the end." I of all people realize this, but I am still here, in the present, now, alone. No matter how much I know it will be worth in the end, that knowledge cannot take away the loneliness I have felt the last 10 weeks. I am still a person, created by God to have fellowship with others-- a fellowship that for me, has mostly been forsaken for the past 10 weeks.
Dear Steph (and Matt),
ReplyDeleteI am Derry Gambill's mom. Just checked your blog for the 1st time in awhile and didn't realize what a waiting room you are in. Don't you hate waiting rooms? At hospitals they are cold, impersonal, have lousy snack machines, and a host of other negatives. Waiting rooms are the pits, even with God. I, too, am in a waiting room missing my kids more all the time, while they are living out God's will for them in Thailand. With baby Landon on the way, I will also be missing out on a grandbaby. I find encouragement by reading about others God put in waiting rooms...Sarah and Abraham waiting for a baby, Hannah also. And then there was the 3 day waiting room Jonah was in. For Daniel, it was only 1 night. For you it has been 10 long, lonely weeks. What was that time all about? My best guess is it's all about God and his purposes. I wish I were closer and could fellowship with you-get to know you, make you wish you were lonely again and that I would please leave. LOL I will pray for you today and your precious baby. Ahh! Later, you may wish for loneliness...I did somedays as a mother!
I totally understand the loneliness thing! Through my 19 weeks of bedrest I believe the being alone for the days and some nights were the worst part of being on bedrest! When you are alone you are left with your own thoughts-which makes it hard not to get discouraged. Through my 19 weeks I have come to realize that no one can truly understand how very lonely bedrest can be (unless you have done it for as long as we have). While the comments of "it will be worth it in the end" are meant to be helpful, it does not solve the loneliness that you are feeling right now. It also doesn't solve the fact that at this time you don't know the outcome of the bestrest. Praying that some encouragement comes your way and that some of your days are filled with people that can help break up your day! Every day that baby boy stays inside you are days he doesn't have to be in the hospital!
ReplyDeleteSteph I have 2 kids who would love to entertain you. Let us know when and we'll be there.
ReplyDeleteLove
Jaime