Our plans were to start our family during the 2005-2006 year and after I graduated from college I would just stay at home with the new baby. We even planned this with my brother and sister-in-law! However, we couldn't get pregnant and then in the spring of 2006 we felt God calling us to the mission field, so we had to put our dreams of starting our family on hold. My sister-in-law told us they had found out they were pregnant the morning of the last day we spent with them! But God had told us to wait, and even though it hurt and its not what we wanted...we began to wait.
In December of 2006 after a lot of prayer we felt God saying it was time. So I made my first appointment with a fertility specialist in January of 2007 to see what was going on with me. My doctor couldn't really see a problem with me, but there was definitely a problem. So he began with low grade treatment and every three or four months after no success, he would move to the next treatment.
We never imagined we would be the couple who would have a hard time getting pregnant. Month after month I looked at negative pregnancy tests and my heart broke. Matt would just hold me in his arms while I wept over my still empty womb. The whole process was long and emotional, stressful and depressing. Unless you have been down this road yourself, you will never understand its hurts and the toll it takes on you and your marriage.
Finally in December of 2007 Dr. Husslein started me on the last medication. If it didn't work in four months, then our only option left was in vitro fertilization. Each month I would go to the doctor to see if my body had responded to the meds. March was the last month for me to be on the medication, but since my body had not responded to it the previous three months, Dr. Husslein told me not to worry about coming in, it was obvious it wasn't going to work.
Well, for some mysterious reason (we like to call him God) my body finally responded. By the end of March, I knew I was pregnant, and we were overflowing with joy, and praising God for our miracle! On Saturday, April 5 I took a home pregnancy test (Austria style) to verify my thoughts; and to make sure we weren't getting our hopes up for nothing since the medication I was on had several side affects that are also pregnancy symptoms. Cruelness, I know. Anyways, it instantly showed us two purple lines. Pregnant!!
On April 8, we went to the doctor for confirmation, yet again! He did an ultrasound, and after a brief moment told us "Congratulations--you were right, you are pregnant!" Although we were thrilled at the news, we could both tell there was more. I instantly feared there was something seriously wrong with our baby. After what seemed like forever he said "But, I am seeing multiples." I instantly asked "How many?!?" So the doc checked, double checked, and then triple checked, and finally told us the most shocking news we have ever received "Well, it appears that you are pregnant with triplets."
Realizing we couldn't handle three babies without the help of family we made the heart wrenching decision to leave the mission field and return to the States to raise our babies.
On Sunday July 13, after a relaxing afternoon, I went into preterm labor and my water broke on Baby A, one of our precious baby boys. At this point I was only 19 weeks pregnant. I was rushed to the hospital where they were able to stop labor and we began the hardest waiting during our whole journey. On Tuesday night, July 22 I began having contractions again. Wednesday morning blood was drawn and our worst fears were confirmed, I had an infection in my uterus. We had no choice. I was induced and Baby A was delivered, the doctors were hopeful this would allow them to control the infection.
After Baby A was born they stopped the medicine, and my contractions stopped. The other two babies sacs were still intact and their heartbeats strong. We thought we were in the clear. Then all of a sudden my temperature spiked out of control into very dangerous territory. The doctors tried everything to break the fever, but nothing was breaking it. They told us we would have to deliver the other two babies, or my uterus and life would be on the line. They left us for five minutes to take it all in, and in the process, my contractions started again.
As we watched our babies take their first and last breaths our hearts broke. All of the waiting, the trying, the hoping and dreaming, was gone.
Then in December of 2008 we unexpectedly became pregnant. We weren't even trying! Even though I knew I was pregnant it took a few weeks for me to convince myself and Matt. After a few positive pregnancy tests, we stared at each other in shock. The doctor's were hopeful that I didn't have a problem carrying a baby, but that we'd lost the triplets solely because there were three babies. However, at 21 weeks we discovered that I have an incompetent cervix and am in fact, not capable of carrying a baby to full term without medical intervention.
This pregnancy has been extremely hard on us. It has been hard to be excited about a new life when we are still grieving the loss of our first three babies. I have battled some major fears of losing this baby. We have dealt with a whirlwind of emotions from regret to excitement to overwhelming sadness to doubt to anticipation. I have spent 12 weeks on bedrest. 6 of those weeks I was alone 85% of the time. My body painfully deteriorated as I laid everyday all day in bed. I have never felt so alone, never hurt so much inside and out.
Now we are anxiously awaiting the arrival of our fourth child, a strong and healthy baby boy. As we near our journey's end we are able to look back and see how God worked in our hearts. We have experienced all of God's answers to prayer--yes, no, and wait. We have learned more about who God is as Abba, Father. We have experienced his mercy and compassion on a deeper level. We have learned to trust God with more of our hearts and lives. I have learned how to conquer all fear with His strength. Our faith has grown exponentially. We have watched God use our brokenness to love and reach out to others. We have seen how God has used this pregnancy to heal our broken hearts.
Seeing Baby Red for the first time is so much more to us than finally meeting our son. It marks the end of a long and very painful journey yet at the same time it is a celebration of God's faithfulness and goodness.
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